Keeping Secrets

by Adam J. Whitlatch

She’s staring at me across the table with those guilty eyes, and I can already tell my evening is ruined; suddenly this pizza sitting between us doesn’t seem quite so appetizing anymore.  After a couple false starts she finally manages to find her voice (although shaky and nervous) and after I reassure her that she can tell me anything says, “I love you… and I don’t think there should be any secrets between us, so I have a confession to make. ”

My throat tightens when she says, “I kissed another guy at a party last week, but it was nothing… I swear!”

I lean back in my chair and sigh, this simple action is probably what saves my life, because I can just barely see the Horde troopers an instant before they crash through the pizzeria’s plate glass window and open fire, laser bolts turning the quaint little establishment into a war zone, complete with mozzarella rain and cheese shaker grenades. I quickly overturn our table and drag her behind it with me and she screams as a red blast of laser fire takes out a chunk of the table’s edge next to her head. I reach behind my back and draw the laser pistol concealed underneath my jacket and – meeting her panicked and trembling gaze – say,
“Honey, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, too.”